Vee’s Story (Know your self-worth)

NOTE- Vee is a fictional character, I am exploring the inner writer. 

For some strange reason, I always thought I was the worst person in the world. I felt like the person who was going to end up with me or would even want to date me would have to be just as horrible as I was. I was told I was okay looking and somewhat sexually attractive so I never understood why no guy wanted to date me in high school, middle school, or college. While all my other friends went off with their boyfriends- I just used to watch them or read my books- feeling somewhat superior.

I felt like I was never good enough. No matter how smart I was, how  good my makeup was or how nice my outfit was. I just wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have a boyfriend/man. I remember a couple of times when a guy I liked would get super close to me and I thought “well, here it is!”. Then he would start making inquires about a friend.. (Really?)

Two years ago, I met this guy through some mutual friends. We immediately connected, it felt like one of those stories you read in books. We had long phone conversations about everything and anything. It was magical! And for once- he was actually interested in me. There was no friend, he was interested in. It was all about me. I felt like the spell of being single was finally broken. I was happy- my crush had feelings for me too. As time went on, more guys were interested in me and I fancied them too.

I went on dates with many of these guys and used them for one thing or another. I used them as I pleased- I was the boss lady. With time, the number of guys I was dating narrowed down to three and I liked them a lot. I don’t know why but they all had their days and would behave weird a lot of times. A backup or two was handy. 🙂 Two of them didn’t want anything serious, I wasn’t cool with it but I learnt to live with it. G, one of the three guys, wanted something serious but I didn’t like him that much.

I WAS IN LOVE (with two of them except G) but I was very sad. My life didn’t feel complete.  I used to get very very depressed and would cry endlessly. I cut my hair and gradually started cutting myself whenever things didn’t go right with any one of them (i. e we had an argument that didn’t go well and they ignored my calls and pleading).I went days without eating, drank & smoked a lot too.

Some days, I would want the world to end. I wanted to disappear. In the midst of everything, I loved my life way too much to take my own life. One time, I saw a shrink who told me I was suicidal, 5 sessions and I was done. I felt bad that I was dating so many people at the same time. Well, maybe- not really.

I remember this one time I was cutting myself and kept repeating lines from The Help “You is smart, you is kind, you is important”. I cried so hard as I said these words but felt I needed to express the pain and hurt some way. Throwing stuff around didn’t suffice anymore.

I was very unhappy yet, good at concealing my feelings. Things were far from perfect with these guys. And, having two of them and a third wheel didn’t just help.  I guess I was so blinded by the fact that they were interested in me at the same time that I failed to acknowledge their flaws. I wasn’t sure when next I would be that lucky. I condoned a lot of bad behavior from these guys. When I finally realized that I should let go of these “situationships” (undefined relationships), I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be single- in a weird twist of things, they completed me.

Looking back now, I should never have tolerated the way they treated me. I should not even have been in that silly love triangle. Vying for the attentions of these young men. I should have demanded those apologies. I should never have let them talk to me the way they did. I should not have let them control me. So much for being a boss lady! (Congratulations Vee, You just played yourself- In DJ Khaled’s voice).

What happened next? Well, I had to move back to my parent’s house after I was hospitalized for overdosing on painkillers and prozac. This was just after all my lovers simultaneously called things off in the worst possible ways. {Talk about bad break-up(s). }

Well, now that is over. We live and learn, right?  I will never let anyone treat me that way again. EVER! The past three years have been a journey to self-worth. I marvel at how silly I was back then and that was only I hadn’t learnt to love myself; I didn’t know my self-worth.

I am beautiful, smart, strong, hardworking, funny & unique. I have flaws but I am working on them. I might not be perfect but you would not find anyone else like me. I am kind, loving and sweet hearted. I treat people with respect and demand to be treated the same way. I am a WOMAN. I am VEE and I love myself.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”- Eleanor Roosevelt

Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed my little write-up. I look forward to your feedback. Would you like more fictional stories?  Feel free to leave me a comment or send an email to info@awahshasha.com. 

Shasha

Image source- https://www.pexels.com/search/sad/

15 thoughts on “Vee’s Story (Know your self-worth)

  1. You ARE beautiful and strong and unique! And above all you are LOVED by Jesus whose love is incomprehendable. That in itself is enough reason to hold on. You are worth more than you might ever understand. The actions of some next guy shouldn’t define us and neither should our past mistakes because God loves us too much for us to be labelled as worthless. ❤️
    I’m just Glad Vee is safe and well

    Like

  2. “I am beautiful, smart, strong, hardworking, funny & unique. I have flaws but I am working on them. I might not be perfect but you would not find anyone else like me. I am kind, loving and sweet hearted. I treat people with respect and demand to be treated the same way.”

    Those words say it all and validate that you’ve learnt what you were supposed to out of that experience. You’re a deep one Sasha. Stay deep, you’re beautiful that way and I really mean that.

    Like

  3. Great attempt at fiction. You know you could develop this into a series with possibly different characters that each have a unique and different message, or into a novella. It’s something to think about.

    Like

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